Forever in Me

  Copyright © 2020 CLARA ARTEMIS

  Copyright © 2020 FOREVER IN ME BOOK 1

  Responsible Publisher: SERPENTINE EDITORIAL

  English Translation: Rita S. Pires

  Beta Reader: Dandara Lemos

  Final Review: Rita S. Pires

  Cover: Kenia Costa DRAK

  Cover Illustration: Kenia Costa DRAK

  Core Illustration: Kenia Costa DRAK

  Layout: Kenia Costa DRAK

  Forever in me

  Lost Loves Series Book 1

  Brazilian Literature

  1.Romance. 2.LGBTQIA+. 3. Drama.

  First Edition/2020.

  Digital Edition. Created in Brazil

  TOTAL AND PARTIAL REPRODUCTION OF THIS WORK IS FORBIDDEN, IN ANY WAY OR BY ANY ELECTRONIC, MECHANICAL MEANS, INCLUDING THROUGH XEROGRAPHIC PROCESSES, EVEN INCLUDING THE USE OF THE INTERNET, WITHOUT EXPRESS PERMISSION FROM THE EDITOR IN PERSON OF ITS EDITOR. THIS IS A FICTION WORK. NAMES, CHARACTERS, PLACES AND EVENTS DESCRIBED ARE PRODUCTS OF THE AUTHOR IMAGINATION. ANY SIMILARITY TO REAL EVENTS IS MERCHANTS. ALL RIGHTS IN THIS EDITION RESERVED BY: SERPENTINE EDITORIAL.

  I dedicate this book to all the "honorary bunnies".

  Thank you for always giving me unconditional support.

  12 Years Old

  gabriel

  When I first saw him he was crying. Sitting on the curb of the street, hugging a huge pad of paper, tears streaming down his face. Around him, there were some torn and trampled leaves.

  I crouched down in front of him and touched his shoulder gently.

  - Did something happen? Did you fall? Are you hurt?

  He shook his head in denial and a few tears flew from his eyes.

  I scanned his body quickly for any obvious injuries. My mother always taught me how to help people in need and this boy was certainly one of them. He looked ten years old at the most. So, as an elder, I had an obligation to take care of him.

  - Let's go. - I stood up and held out my hand to him. - Let me take you home.

  He continued to deny it. I started to think that maybe he couldn't speak.

  I picked up a piece of paper that was still unripped on the floor. Even dirty, you could see a beautiful drawing of a dog. It was so perfect that I could discover that the animal was one that lived there in the neighborhood. He was always close to the restaurant that fed him. I was impressed by the wealth of details. And even though it was black and white, I could notice the nuance of colors that I didn't have. The sheet was the size of the notebook he held.

  - You did that? It's beautiful!

  And it was. I have rarely seen such work. Even the exhibition paintings I went with the school did not have such a wealth of details and such beauty.

  When he heard my compliment, the boy raised his face to me and his huge blue eyes shone with satisfaction.

  - Oh really? Isn't it weird?

  - Why would it be? - I frowned. - A talent like that makes me jealous.

  I sat down next to him and saw that he was embarrassed. He certainly wasn’t used to be praised.

  - I did others too. But the best ones were torn.

  - Who tore it up?

  - Other boys. They saw me drawing and said it was a girl thing.

  It didn't even make sense. Why would drawing be a girl thing?

  - They asked me to play with them but I was finishing a drawing so I said I couldn't. - He hugged the notebook again as if he wanted to protect it. - Then they pulled out my notebook and tore some drawings before I could get them back.

  - Did they hit you?

  - It would be better if they had done that instead of tearing my drawings apart. The wounds would heal faster than the time it took me to make them.

  Who in this world would rather be beaten up than having their papers torn?

  - Can I see the others? - I reached for the pad. - I promise not to spoil. I just want to look.

  Reluctantly, he handed me the notebook.

  As I went through the pages of the notebook, I saw an infinitude of drawings. Most were incomplete, but it was still incredible. I couldn't draw a tree. My dolls were made of sticks. And seeing a person drawn in full body in such detail was magnificent.

  - They're incredible! You have quite a talent!

  - Thank you.

  - What's your name?

  - Ariel.

  - What a different name. - He cringed when he heard me. - It’s special. It suits you and your talent. Both are unique.

  It was clear that they teased him because of the name, too. But it was true. His name was beautiful and it suited him.

  - Usually people don't like him. They say it's a girl's name.

  - Don't care so much about what others say. Your name is beautiful. Like your drawings.

  - You didn't tell me your name.

  - Gabriel.

  - Els.

  - I did not understand.

  - We have the same name ending.

  - Ah! It must be fate!

  As we talked the night started to fall. I got up and helped Ariel.

  - Let me take you home. It is dangerous for you to walk alone at this hour.

  - You don't have to. I live nearby.

  - A child like you gets the attention of bad people.

  - I'm not a child. Ariel frowned. - I'm twelve now!

  I was shocked. How could he be the same age as me?

  - Even so. Will those boys find you again?

  Ariel shivered at that thought and held his notebook tightly.

  - You're right.

  We walked slowly to his house, which was really close to where we were. We talked for a while and I found out that his school was close to mine. That way it would be easy to meet frequently.

  We arrived in front of his house and I still had a multitude of questions to ask.

  How do you choose what to draw?

  How do they treat you at school?

  Are your parents good for you?

  These and many other questions lurked in my head. But I would have time to ask later. We both studied in the morning so it would be easy to stop by his school after my classes. I didn't quite understand why, but he intrigued me.

  - Can I stop by your school after class?

  He broke into a huge smile that lit up his eyes.

  - Of course! I go out at noon.

  - Then wait for me because I also leave this time.

  I held out the drawing of the dog I was holding for him.

  - It's a little dirty but you can clean it with an eraser.

  "No." He pushed the sheet back. - It stays with you. I've never met anyone who liked my drawings so much.

  I hugged the sheet gently. I would keep it with great care and attention.

  I didn't know how to say goodbye so I messed with his hair gently. It was very soft.

  - See you tomorrow. Don't forget to wait for me.

  - I will. - He rolled his eyes. - I'll be at the gate.

  - It's a promise!

  I went home feeling full. I didn't know exactly why or what. But I felt complete.

  When I was in my room, I sat in front of the desk I used to study and wiped the shoe stains off the drawing. I was very careful not to damage the dog's features. Luckily most of the spots were behind the leaf. I took my mother's iron and stretched the entire sheet.

  I was still amazed at how a boy my age could do something so beautiful and realistic. I could feel all the abandonment that dog felt. His eyes had the same sad glow as Ariel's eyes when I met him.

  I was still young, but I didn't believe in fate and none of that mushy stuff. But my perception of the world and reality changed when I met him.

  It was clear that he needed someone at his side. And I would do anything to be that person.

  14 Year
s Old

  gABRIEL

  I

  went to Ariel's school a little late. A girl I had never seen stopped me at the entrance and said some things that I honestly didn't even pay attention to. This had been happening lately. Especially with older girls. But I didn't have time for that. Not even to talk, much less to take someone out for ice cream or go to the movies.

  My daily routine was to pick up Ariel at his school and walk to his house or mine. We often took the opportunity to study together as our subjects were almost the same.

  I ran over to his school. I looked at my watch and it was almost one o'clock in the afternoon. I knew he would be waiting for me no matter how long it took me, but I didn't like it. I wanted him to be sure he was my priority.

  When I turned the street at his school, I saw him leaning against the wall and a group of boys around him. He was hunched over and his head bowed.

  I started running to them who ran out as soon as they saw me. I had already scared them a few times. And they knew that outside of school Ariel was untouchable. But unfortunately, I couldn't do the same inside those walls. And that was what consumed me the most. Besides Ariel, I didn't know anyone else at that elite school.

  I reached him almost out of breath. It was not the race that left me like this, but the stress of the situation. I can't believe they had the courage to intimidate him on the street.

  - Are you okay? - I asked raising his face looking for any injuries. - Did they do something to you?

  - No. They just wanted to talk to me.

  - It didn't seem like a friendly conversation. Specially from them.

  - Nevermind. - He grabbed the sleeve of my shirt. - Let's go home. I'm hungry.

  There was no use in asking. Ariel didn't talk much about what was going on at his school. I think he was afraid of my reaction. Over the years I became more overprotective of him.

  As we were walking I noticed that he was limping slightly on his left leg. Ariel tried hard not to express that he was in pain.

  I hugged him around the waist and rested his body on mine. He didn't seem surprised by my attitude. In those two years, Ariel should have already learned that he couldn't hide anything from me.

  I took him to his home, which was closer. I took my copy of the key and opened the door with a little difficulty. If I had grown up in the meantime, he had also changed. Except the melancholy air that accompanied him.

  I put him sitting on the couch and went to his room to get the first aid kit he had bought and a pair of shorts.

  - Strip the pants. I need to see the damage.

  Even though he was embarrassed, he didn't dare questioning me. It was useless to discuss certain issues with me.

  I noticed that he was having difficulties so I helped him by removing his sneakers and helping to pull his pants.

  There was a cut on his knee and some scratches on his leg.

  - Won't you tell me how it happened? - I asked while cleaning the wounds with serum. - Hiding it from me is useless. So please stop trying.

  - I fell in the bathroom.

  - Did you fall or did someone push you?

  - Does it make any difference? - he replied with a shrug. - Will it stop hurting?

  - It won’t. But I can try to prevent it from happening again.

  - Do not worry. At some point they get tired.

  - How long have you been saying that?

  - Gabs, it's not worth it. They don't deserve your time.

  - Fuck, Ariel! Neitheryours! - I finished the dressing. - Have you ever wondered if they ever injure your hand? How are you going to draw?

  - They are not that cruel.

  - And why do they do this to you?

  - Because I ignore them. I don't pay attention to their silly games and jokes. - He got up and put on the shorts I had picked up. - And I won't play their game.

  I took a deep breath trying to maintain control. I did everything I could to protect him. But at school it was impossible. I even tried to get into it this year, but my parents couldn't afford it and I didn't get a hundred percent scholarship.

  To avoid a fight I went to the kitchen to see what we had for lunch. As usual the pantry was empty.

  Ariel's parents were lawyers in their own office and spent most of their time away from home. After they found out that a maid was stealing things from the house, they decided that they would not put any more strangers there. And because Ariel was already a certain age, he could take care of himself.

  They always left money on the kitchen counter for his needs. But Ariel didn't know how to do anything. Nothing at all. He was terrible at any domestic activity. Even washing his dirty clothes in the washing machine was a problem. After leaving his uniform a few times red and feeling sick from eating only junk food, I decided I would help him.

  I started using the money his parents left to buy real food and washing powder. I cooked meals for him myself and did his laundry. Sometimes I took him to my house to eat there.

  I took the money and made a short list of what he needed. As surreal as it might seem, taking care of him became natural.

  It was my responsibility and I did it with satisfaction.

  It took me a while to learn how to cook, but after getting some tips from my mom and from cookbooks, I was able to do at least the basics.

  - I'll go to the market. Take the painkiller I left on the counter. That way you won't feel any pain.

  - I'll go with you.

  - You don't have to. If I have to carry you, how will I bring the bags?

  - Idiot. I'm not even that heavy.

  - Now that you're eating right, you've gained weight.

  Before, he only ate fast food and snacks. Until the day he was sick and vomited for two days. He had to spend months taking a vitamin supplement and eating a restricted diet.

  I had never been so desperate. Seeing him vomit and weak from the effort almost took my emotional toll. He was very dejected and I swore to myself that I would never see him like that again.

  - Don't forget the medicine.

  - Fine. - He took the pill and swallowed it. - Done. Happy?

  - Thank you for understanding. Check back often.

  Ariel rolled those beautiful blue eyes at me. As annoyed as he seemed, deep down he liked having someone to look after him.

  I went to the nearby market to buy what I needed. As I traveled, I thought about what Ariel's life would be like without me. Would he have someone to look after him? Probably yes. He was very adorable. Underneath that distant and timid facade, there was a good and needy boy. Certainly, someday, someone besides me would see that side of him. But I did my best to prove that he wouldn't need anyone else.

  I went back to his house and found him sleeping on the couch. The painkiller always made him sleepy. I picked up his dirty laundry and put it in the machine. I was used to doing this at home, so it was no mystery.

  I prepared lunch while I watched him sleep from the kitchen counter. He looked so much younger. Like the day I met him.

  When I finished everything, I went to wake him up. I stroked his forehead lightly, brushing his hair out of his eyes. It was already quite big. I needed to take a day to take him to the barber.

  - Ariel, wake up. Come to lunch.

  He opened his eyes, stretched and smiled.

  The smile he gave only to me.

  Ariel was mine.

  I was still too young to understand the depth of my feelings, but I knew it was something much deeper than I could have imagined.

  15 Years Old

  Ariel

  I

  t was torture to go to school. Every day I told myself it would be better. Easier. But it never was.

  After years I should have gotten used to it. But the boys didn't leave me alone.

  I never did anything at all for them. I just ignored them. I didn't want to be part of the group or participate in their bad games. And I think for that reason I had become a target.

  That day Gabriel had left earlier. It
was a rare occasion, but my parents would be coming home early so I wanted to talk to them about school.

  I did everything I could not to disturb or worry them. But the situation reached my limit of what was acceptable.

  At first, they only teased my name and my drawings. Following Gabriel's advice, I no longer took my notebook to school. It was very difficult to resist drawing at breaks, but I needed it. Especially because they always ended up torn or wet.

  At first it worked, but not for long. They thought I was out of my bubble, but I lived inside it. It wasn't just the drawings. I didn't feel part of them at all. Only Gabriel understood me. I couldn't pretend to be interested in their affairs. I didn't want to be part of the contest for those who had more money or for those who traveled to the best place.

  My parents were successful, but that did not influence anyone's character. And as I had learned from an early age, who lies with dogs, arises with fleas. I didn't want to be like them. I could try to pretend, but it would disappoint Gabriel. And all I didn't want to do was hurt him.

  I was unable to classify our relationship. It wasn't just friendship, I was sure of that. He took care of me without asking for anything in return. And I tried very hard to be the person he trusted. So I didn't have the courage to talk about the things that happened inside the walls of my school. I didn't want to look more fragile than he already thought I was. I also didn't want him to worry about me anymore. He knew I was a victim of bullying, but there was no dimension of the situation.

  Especially since the beginning of this year. My relationship with Gabriel became the boys' main target. They called him my lover and made sexual insinuations about us. I didn't quite understand what they were saying, but honestly that wasn't what bothered me. It was the way they said it.

  They made it sound dirty. As if it was a bad thing for us to be so close.

  And I couldn't take it anymore. When it was just me, I could take it. Now, using my favorite person as a laughing stock was way beyond my patience.

  During dinner with my parents I took an opportunity and raised the question.